I Know Life Would Be Different If I Held On

I’ve been very very hesitant to post any of the poetry/song lyrics (they’re often one in the same to me) I’ve written in this blog.  I’ve shared some of my work in the past, but never in such an easily accessible public forum.  I did have a deviantART account way back in the day (I think it’s probably still active, though I’m not), but for some reason I felt more anonymous on that site.  It’s odd that I say that, because several of my artsy real life friends and acquaintances found me on deviantART … So how anonymous could it be?  (Not to mention the fact that I had a user picture of myself on my main page.  But whatever.)

Anyway, that being said, I haven’t really written any poetry in a long time.  When I say a long time, I mean a long time … As in several years.  I used to write all the time, though.  It was the perfect outlet for my anger, depression, anxiety, and frustration.  I haven’t felt moved to write in that way for a while (hence the not writing anything new for several years), but I’m hoping that by exposing this part of myself here, I’ll be inspired to pick it up again.  I don’t miss the pain I felt when I wrote these words, but I do miss the writing.

As is probably obvious (at least if you’re a fan), the piece I’ll be sharing today was inspired by Bright Eyes.  I’ve written a lot of musically inspired pieces over the years, and this is actually one of my favorites.  I wrote in song format (verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, verse, chorus), but I’ve never attempted to put it to music.  Maybe one day.

One last note before I share … I wrote this about a specific person and situation.  This was written almost a year before I met Eric (I was 21), and I was dealing with a lot of issues in many areas of my life at the time.  As you’ll likely notice as you read, my love life was a complete disaster.  And while that was really shitty at the time, it made for some of what I consider to be my best work.

“Sing Me Self-Destruction”

Written on 07-23-2006

You’re too tired now to think that far ahead                                                                              

As you pull me in close, forgetting what we’ve said                                                                 

You can’t even care who has been here before                                                                         

As your tongue touches mine and I beg you for more

I wonder if we’re incapable of falling in love

Although I know this is more than just some easy fuck

You sing me self-destruction and I hum along

Believing that some day I might write the ending to your song

I’m pressed against you in the small space of your car

Fingertips roaming, not caring how it got this far

All logic and reason disappear with you

‘Cause I know you love to hurt as much as I do

I wonder if we’re incapable of falling in love

Although I know this is more than just some easy fuck

You sing me self-destruction and I hum along

Believing that some day I might write the ending to your song

Maybe we’re in over our heads this time

But something about this just feels right

So we give in to our attraction and it all falls into place

Creating memories that may never be erased

I’m on the verge of a breakdown yet again

The craving hits hard and I need you inside my skin

You’ve got your own problems, so you’re not around

To scrape me off the pavement when I’m coming down

I wonder if we’re incapable of falling in love

Although I know this is more than just some easy fuck

You sing me self-destruction and I hum along

Believing that some day I might write the ending to your song

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