You Are My Sweetest Downfall … I Loved You First

I’m sadly only on day 8 of the 30 day blogging challenge, but at least I’m sticking with it (even if I’m not doing it “correctly”).

This week’s topic: Something You’re Currently Worrying About

I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m a chronic worrier.  I can easily work myself up over seemingly nothing, and then stress and obsess about it for days … Or weeks … Or longer.

This is obviously not my best personality trait, but I can’t just ignore it.  It’s part of who I am.

So I’m going to be completely vulnerable and honest today and share my current biggest worry: I’m worried about having children.

Image

I’ll admit it … I don’t always find babies that cute.  The baby in this picture is adorable, though!  Image courtesy of http://www.sheknows.com.

This worry/fear is kind of unusual because it encompasses pretty much every aspect you can think of when it comes to that subject.  Finding the right time to try to conceive, actually getting pregnant, the pregnancy itself, taking care of myself during pregnancy, the delivery, any complications that may occur as a result of the birth, the overall cost during the pregnancy and delivery, caring for the baby, making the right choices for the baby’s overall health and well-being, being a good mother, the cost of daycare … Need I even list anything else?

I think I obsess over this for many reasons, but here’s the thing … I never really wanted kids.  While some people get these fears/doubts/concerns out of their system when they’re younger and figuring out their basic life plan, I never really did that because it wasn’t even something I considered as a possibility.  

Sometimes things change, though.  I mean, I also didn’t think I wanted to ever settle down and get married because it just didn’t interest me.  I wanted to be a completely independent woman with a successful career and life that was built all on my own.  But … I actually like being married.  It’s nice to know that this person you love so much unconditionally feels exactly the same and wants to share the ups and downs of life with you.  I don’t have to worry about facing the uncertainty of the future alone.  We can support and encourage one another and create wonderful memories from now until one of us dies.  (I realize that might sound a little morbid, but it’s just the truth.)

After much discussion and thought, I know I would eventually like to have at least one child.  Unfortunately, I’m no spring chicken.  I’ll be 30 this year (and I’m definitely not ready to ring in my third decade of life just yet!).  While I know many women are now having babies well into their 40s, I don’t want to do that.  I have a self-imposed timeline of age 35 … By that age, I would like to be completely finished having children.  That’s just me, though.

Obviously that doesn’t give me a ton of time … And the worry sets in.

I’ve shared a lot of very personal things in this post.  I’m a pretty open person in general, but sometimes I feel like discussing my fears and concerns regarding this topic (and all that it encompasses) is just a little too awkward.  For example, I’m sure it would be kind of weird to tell people (even close friends and family) when we’re trying to conceive.  I kind of doubt we’ll be sharing that with anyone, to be quite honest (unless maybe it’s done somewhat anonymously online).  So if there are issues … Well … We’ll be the only people who know about it.

But now I have to ask … If anyone reading this is willing to share, please comment about your own fears and concerns regarding having children.  I don’t see a lot of comments on this blog, but if there was ever a time I’d hope to have some responses, that time would be now.  I need to know that I’m not alone!  (And please also feel free to share any success stories.  How did you overcome your fears?)

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